Happy New Year, one an all! And may I raise a toast to the FTB/Skepchick/A+ crowd, for providing the best soap opera since...well, Dallas I suppose. The proper Dallas that is - the one from the 70s and 80s.
So - some predictions for the upcoming year:
Greg Laden goes full-on with his environmentalism, and no longer content to activist blog, decides to literally shit out of the trees as a bearded, crusty eco-commando. However, with his Tarzan yells echoing throughout the woods to his former home of the 'Yippee-Ki-Ay-Motherfucker' trailer park, he becomes something a of nuisance, and as such the locals form a posse to hunt him down like he was some sort of baboon, or something. The 'Wild Bald Man of Hog's Piss Pass' proves something less than an elusive quarry, owing to his testosterone poisoned scat (easy for the bloodhounds to follow) and the fact that he's easily lured down from the branches by deploying a woman - whereupon he'll swing down in order to make her feel safe by walking on the other side of the forest trail. Upon his capture, Greg is found to be remarkably well-fed, though he stays reticent on where he found such an abundant food source. There's much excitement on the part of the locals a few months later when what appears to be the partially devoured remains of a bigfoot are found in Greg's former happy hunting ground, but it just turns out to be a perished Chris Clarke. As such, the local cushion upholsterers do a roaring trade, and Greg begins work on a sequel to Sundogogo (or whatever it is), featuring bushmeat recipes.
Food is much on the mind of PZ Myers, who continues to wax lyrical about the wonders of being vegetarian as the stupider examples of his commentariat mysteriously begin to vanish. Eyebrows are raised at certain strange coincidences - Peez suddenly becoming enthused about Indian food, and musing upon the deliciousness of a cabbage curry on the very day after Caine's last post; Nerd of Redhead strangely disappearing just prior to Peez reporting on a ginger-spiced turnip stew he had cooked up, commenting that it had a tendency to repeat on himself. Before long, Pharyngula's following has thinned out considerably, while Peez himself has gotten fat to the point of being like a slim version of Ed Brayton.
Rebecca Watson finds herself in another elevator-related shitstorm when she reveals that the was approached by creepy guy in a lift at a conference, who asked her if her hair dye was ethically sourced and suitable for vegetarians. 'Don't take this the wrong way,' he apparently said, 'but if you were a potato I'd probably really like to eat you.' Rebecca ended the Patreon sponsored video by telling vegetarians not to do that, thereby unleashing a schism within the vegetarian world, with those who would happily eat a male potato version of Watson denouncing as sexist those who would prefer only to eat a female version. PZ Myers immediately takes Rebecca's side, and decrees that those sexist, misogynistic vegetarians 'all have the name Adolf Hitler, every single one.'
Oolon gets another slice of TV fame when a remarkable species of ponytailed toad is discovered in the jungles of Borneo - with by then no live examples forthcoming, Oolon is used to show what one would look like in the wild.
Melody Hensley finally loses all that weight she acquired from being ill with PTSD when her own body fat runs away from her out of sheer embarrasment.
Ophelia Benson actually writes a post which for once is mostly in her own words, where she explains that further to last years' discovery of this horrible thing called 'work', she is aghast to discover that lots of people actually go out and do it. 'They do this thing called work, you know,' starts the post. She ends it with,'You know who else works? Pedophile priests. And nazis.'
Richard Carrier at last discovers the one, conclusive final proof of Jesus' nonexistence, when he realizes, whilst masturbating, that if there ought to be a son of God, then God could do no better than have Carrier himself as His son. Quod erat demonstrandum - problem solved. Carrier subsequently celebrates by spending a week treating himself to his own reflection.